took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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