im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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