Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
