Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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