Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
