You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
