did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
