Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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