you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
