I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
