Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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