That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
