You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
