Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
