I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
