If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
