i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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