Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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