im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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