Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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