i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
