i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
