I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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