so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
