All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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