Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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