He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.