so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.