Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.