i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
