is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho