I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
