omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
