You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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