made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
