If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
