guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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