All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
