I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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