Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
