Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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