no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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