someone owes me an orgasm
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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