so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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