I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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