the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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