Don't you send me to vm
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
