with your own penis?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
