I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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