I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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