Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
