i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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