Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
