Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
