I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
