I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
