remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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