He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
