Who did Billy Mays play for?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
