How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
