Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
