she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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