Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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