Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
