i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
