Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
