the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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