I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
