You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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