She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's JV to your varsity
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
