i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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