It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize