i just sent this text using only my big toe
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
