How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
