She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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